Don't Mess With My Phone, Flea
by XxReddShadowxX
Summary: And here, Izaya though it was a good idea to buy his favorite protozoan a birthday present. Romance/Humor/[T]/Course Language/Iffy content/Yaoi/Shizaya


**A/N: Just a small bit of Shizaya and an annoyed bleach-blond bodyguard. (With a dash of hon hon hon.) And on another note, happy (belated) birthday Shizuo; I'm technically writing this at one in the morning, so his birthday was yesterday, but nevertheless.  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own DRRR or any of it's characters.**

* * *

"I brought you a present, Shizu-chan~!"

"Is it safe?"

"I buy you a birthday gift and _that's_ the first question you ask me?"

It'd been nine months since Izaya and Shizuo had gotten together. It had been two since they'd decided to share an apartment with one another.

"You didn't answer that, louse. I'm getting nervous. Stop waving that around at me."

"Shut-up and accept my love, protozoan!"

The dark-haired information broker had handed the fake blond a flat, black rectangle and looked at him expectantly. Izaya had always thought of Shizuo as dense, and this was a perfect example of it. The taller male looked at it wearily and set his purple-tinted shades on a coffee table next to the couch.

"Can it, flea." The bodyguard growled.

"Love you too, Shizu-chan!" Izaya responded, flashing the other with a flawless smile.

Shizuo, albeit reluctantly, took the item from Izaya and observed it closely, most likely searching for anything that looked sharp, or anything like a very discreet detonation device. Thinking that it was clear, he pressed the button on the front side and watched as a small screen glowed to life.

"... What is it?" The blond asked dully.

"You're so stupid, Shizu-chan!" Izaya giggled girlishly, "I knew I'd have to explain it to you in the end!"

"Just shut up and tell me what this thing is!" Shizuo practically shouted.

"Well, I know that you crushed your poor cell phone last week, that poor thing, so I went ahead and bought you a new one." The raven explained. "This one is waaaay better, unlike that shitty flip that you had before. It has a touch screen, and it's made of glass. Just don't break it with your brutish strength." He smiled.

"Don't you have a flip phone though-?" Shizuo started, ignoring the comment on his unnatural strength.

"That's against the point just accept the gift and be happy!" Izaya cut him off, leaning over where the other sat on the couch, and patting Shizuo on the head. He scowled in response, but scanned through it regardless.

"It's nice." Shizuo said. "Thanks."

* * *

"Ugh! And _you_ said that _I_ had a phone problem!"

Izaya sprawled himself out on the couch as much as he possibly could, stretching out his arms and legs on top of Shizuo, who was sitting- completely unresponsive- underneath him. The blond was staring intently at his week-old, and thankfully unbroken, cell phone, swiping his thumb across the screen mutely. He grunted an incomprehensible noise briefly, not even looking the raven's way.

"What are you even doing on there, anyways?" Izaya rolled around on Shizuo's lap, craning his neck around to get a better view of the screen. The ex-bartender tilted it away absently, must to the displeasure of the other. Izaya exhaled angrily.

"Hm, 'ya jealous of a phone, flea?" Shizuo muttered, not even sparing a glance towards his partner.

"Yes I am!" Izaya flailed childishly, spreading himself all over Shizuo and burying his face in the older male's chest. "You should be giving _all_ of your attention to _me_ instead!"

"Fine," Shizuo grunted exasperatedly, "Here then."

He placed the phone on an end table and turned around to stare at Izaya directly in the eyes. Shizuo captured the others lips abruptly, pushing him down against the sofa and basically devouring the brunet underneath him. The ragged noise of heavy breathing and sloppy kissing filled the room, the smaller one arching upward to meet his torso with Shizuo's. Nimble fingers slipped off a bow-tie and a vest, unbuttoning the white dress shirt with practiced efficiency.

The bodyguard swiped his tongue across the side of Izaya's, pinning his pale wrists above his head with one hand and trailing a hand down the back of his jeans with the other. Moaning lividly, Izaya gave up fighting for dominance, bending a leg to wrap around Shizuo's waist as the beastly blond unbuckled his belt, inching his pants down as quickly as he could.

Suddenly, the cell phone that had just only been placed on the table buzzed.

Shizuo sat up, releasing Izaya, and reached over to grab the electronic device. Izaya woozily sat up as well, eyes like daggers and holding a hand to his not-quite-sex-hair.

"Put. The. Motherfucking. Phone. Down. Right. NOW." Izaya hissed, reddish-brown eyes taking on an eerie glare.

The information broker rarely cussed without a certain nuance of class, but when it did, it usually signaled that a serious shitstorm was about to occur, and it looked as if Shizuo Heiwajima was right about to be caught right in it. Only certain things made the male Orihara this angry.

1.) When people stained his ego.

2.) When people, especially women, touched his property. (i.e. Shizuo)

3.) Losing.

And finally, 4.) When people decided to pay attention to something or someone other than him. And this particular trigger applied very much to his romantic life. Which, of course, had a direct link to Shizuo.

"Shit, calm down, babe..." Shizuo looked at Izaya, realizing his mistake just a moment too late and shooting a small apologetic look towards the raven. It was usually him who got angry, as he had many issues with it. Shizuo dropped the phone on his own lap quickly as if it were a bomb. All hell was about to break loose if he didn't do something and do it quickly. He needed to prevent this before-

"I will _not_ fucking calm down," Izaya growled, snatching the phone and opening the menu while barely directing his gaze away from the blond. "If you like this shitty-ass phone so much, maybe _it_ can fucking blow you next time? _Huh_!?"

-Too late.

Typing furiously on the device, Izaya looking at it for a moment before closing it and throwing it back at Shizuo furiously.

"Turn on the phone, now." The raven's tone was flat and threatening, not something he would usually do.

Hesitantly pressing the on button, Shizuo attempted to open his phone up, but was then stopped a six digit pass code lock. He cursed silently, looking back up at Izaya with an annoyed look on his face. Izaya smiled back at him bitterly.

"Aw, really, flea?" Shizuo groaned impatiently. "What the hell?"

Izaya made a face right back at him.

"I was just-" The blond started.

"No! I don't care!" Izaya yelled, slapping the phone out of Shizuo's hands and onto the floor. Crawling over him, he sat over him and nearly right on top of the blond's crotch. He made an almost inaudible noise. The information-broker leaned right over the larger partner and pressed his face against Shizou's, followed by repeatedly pushing his lower torso on the bodyguard's sensually.

"I want you to fuck me. Right. _Now_." He whispered roughly.

Shizuo smiled, catching Izaya off guard. He switched their positions, biting down on the brunet's pale neck harshly and growling.

"No problems there," He breathed right into Izaya's ear, earning a strangled moan. Shizuo abruptly let his hand wander down and gain access to whatever it could touch, reveling in the raven squirming about underneath him.

"Just don't mess with my phone, flea."

**FIN.**


End file.
